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Mulla Maghrib Talk Show: Batil Chingar, Grave Seller-Part 2:

Posted by on Nov 26th, 2015 and filed under Columns, Recent Posts. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry

talkshow logo MULLA MAGHRIB

WELCOME back readers, viewers, and listeners to Mulla Maghrib Show.

We will continue our talk with our guest Mr. Chingar.

[Intro: Mr. Chingar is unique in many ways. He is one of the most respectful members of the community and highly rewarded by Ms. Whisky.

Mr. Chingar is ex-President and ex-Vice President of Masjid Abu Salam. Currently, he is the salesperson of Muslim graves. His best contribution to the community is that he discovered a community from the ruins of Lut (A.). He empowered them and introduced and imposed them upon the Muslim community. He will always be remembered from the present hell (world) to the next hell (hereafter) for his extra ordinary services. He is eternal, unforgettable and unforgivable.]

Note: Every character of this column/Talk Show is fictitious and imaginative. The writer and publisher are not responsible for any accidental similarity with the real persons or incidents.
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Mulla: We heard about the issue of mortgage. Why do you need a mortgage for the cemetery if it was the Masjid project?

Chingar: No, it was not the Masjid’s Project. It was Mr. Bhabi’s business project.

Mulla: Mr. Bhabi? What a strange name! Why were you doing business with Mr. Bhabi’s in the Masjid.

Chingar: He asked me to sell the graves on commission to Sunni Muslims. Mr. Bhabi is Shia and he could reach and sell only in the Shia community. Although, the Shia community is much smaller as compared to the Sunni, but it is my prediction that our death rate will be the same. That’s why we divided the cemetery in half 50 % for Sunni and 50% for the Shia sections.

Mulla: It is surprising! How can you say that death rate will be same despite the big difference in population?

Chingar: My analysis is based on the particular habit of our Shia brothers. They mourn all the year for the martyrdom of Imam Hussain in Karbala. They beat their heart so fiercely which eventually make their hearts very weak.

Mulla: It is surprising! Perhaps this could be true, but what was the objection of the Masjid Abu Salam members for your business of graves and cemetery?

Chingar: Let me explain. I didn’t show that it was my personal business. I presented it as a Masjid project, that’s why I was able to sell more than 1,000 graves in few weeks. I took several Marketing and Sales classes from some of the top professionals. I also attended several Marketing seminars before launching the project. I announced that if someone would buy two adult graves, a baby grave will be free. And that was the best marketing technique and it was a big success.

Mulla: Wonderful! But I am still a bit confused. What was the mortgage issue?

Chingar: Actually, Mr. Bhabi asked me if I could invest. This will make me a partner in the cemetery business. The proposed name of the company was Bhabi Chingar Cemetery Inc.

I started searching for a way to get finance. There was only one option to get it from a financial institution or an individual through collateral with the Masjid Property.

Some of the members of the Masjid who are also real estate agents found out and informed the Members of the Masjid. They jeopardized my project and eventually my dream.

Brother Mulla! Tell me who really is the final loser? It is our community. These stupid members and current committee representatives tried to deprive the community from the graves. This is a criminal act. Where will our community rest after their death? That’s why I filed the case in the court of justice. Unfortunately, due to some mistakes on my lawyer’s part and the foolishness of the judge the decision went against me.

The new board suspended my membership for ten years. But, Insha Allah, I will come back after ten years and will teach them all a fitting lesson for life.

Mulla: Wonderful Let us wait and see. I admire your approach Mr. Chingar. So, what is the status of the cemetery project now? Should it be considered a failed or dead project now?

Chingar: No! Thanks God, it is a big success. It is now Mr. Bhabi Cemetery Inc. Although, I was not able to succeed to get partnership in the business, however, I am still working as a sales agent. When these people defamed me in the Guajarati and Pakistani communities, I went to the Turkish, Afghani, Bosnian, Albanian, Somali, and several other communities. They bought it because at first they hadn’t heard of any propaganda about the cemetery such as it was not zoned and water level is so high that the deceased will swim in their graves, and the second, the price was very reasonable. No one can beat the price of our graves. Plus we are most accommodative people on this earth, allowing all sects, colors, ethnicity, linguistic, gender, age, and cause (of death).

Mulla: Brilliant! Kudos goes to you. You are such a smart and intelligent businessman. I have never heard a success story of grave or cemetery business like yours. I believe students from Harvard and Schulich Business Schools should come to you to learn your technique. They should know Chaingar’s style of Marketing. One can’t dispute that the grave and cemetery business is another niche which is becoming a big Horizontal Market now because of increasing number of deaths. Everyone will agree that there is one thing common in every person that everyone has to die and they need a grave. This is your market; the only cemetery with hundreds of thousands of graves solely for Muslims. I wish you good luck Mr. Chingar.

Chingar: Appreciated. Thank you Br. Mulla.

Mulla: Now let us discuss the issue of the nation of Lut. It has been said from various quarters that you discovered the community here in Canada from the ruins of nation of Lut (A.) and you promoted them in the Muslim community.

Chingar: That’s wrong. I didn’t discover them. They have been discovered by one of our senior member of the community who is from my native land and an “Imam” of the “prisoners”. I am his political student. However, it is true that I am the person who assertively introduced them in the Muslim community and politically empowered them with our strategically combined votes.

Mulla: Why?

Chingar: At first, I realized they are oppressed. People mocked and made fun of them. Second, I figured out that if we Muslim community will struggle for their rights; our own rights will be automatically safeguarded.

Mulla: Avery interesting analysis. However, some people including Abul Haqaiq Aala thought that our community leaders do not even know what are our right and responsibilities as an Islamic community. Can you teach him and tell us what our issues those have to be safeguarded?

Chingar: Well! That is a very good question. Brother! I always admire your talent; the talent of interviewing.

I thought a lot and spent most of my life in thinking on our community’s real issues and rights. Finally, I discovered several. Please note.

1. First of all, our Masjid should be protected from all kinds of losses; internal and external. All Masjids should have dome and minarets.

2. Banks should provide Masjid loan without having a collateral property or other guarantee. They should know that Masjid can collect a lot of money in Jumuah and easily can pay the mortgage. Yes! Banks can charge a little more interest from Masjids. But they should know that Muslims are so generous and they pay a lot for Allah’s house and a Masjid will never default. Banks should not use the term “interest,” instead they can use the term “rent” or “profit.”

3. In Jumuah, Muslims park their cars in others business parking lots and in front of private homes. They often block the entrances of businesses and homes when they arrive in the last moment before prayer. Our Canadian neighbours should tolerate and forgive them for these blameless mistakes and behaviours. We need our representative leaders in the City and Parliaments kind enough to allow parking everywhere, change the zoning whenever required, and silence the neighbours on any of their objections. They should educate them on behalf of us that Islam is a religion of manner and Muslims are neighbor friendly.

4. Our all MPs like Mr. Paap Elephant should write letters to invite and issue a visa to our favourite Islamic scholars from our back home. We need them in the month of Ramadhan. So they can teach us on the issues of bathing, urinating, brushing our teeth, private parts, etc. and can engage our Musalees from Asr to Maghrib and Isha to Tahajjud through their Bayans.

5. Make sure that halal food is always available, both machine and hand slaughter zabiha.

6. Provincial recognition of the Hilal Committee and holidays for two Eids.

7. Islamic Conferences & International speakers’ clearance from Immigration.

Mulla: Masha Allah! Brilliant analysis brother! Seven issues! A wonderful digit.

Chingar: Yes! the digit seven is very important in Islam; seven skies, seven days in a week, throwing seven pebbles at each of the three walls representing the Devil in Mina, and so on…..

Mulla: I doubt and you know that Abul Haqaiq Aala will not agree with you. He will ask to throw seven pebbles to you. As I remember, he listed three issues and all were different than yours.

Now, here, we will take another short break of few days. Meanwhile if you have any question to be asked from Mr. Chingar. Email at MullaMaghrib@gmail.com

Interviewing Mr. Chingar Part 1

Mr. Chingar Part 3

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