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Mulla Maghrib Talk Show: Tarik Shikast, Islamophobist

Posted by on Dec 17th, 2015 and filed under Columns, Recent Posts. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry

talkshow logoReminder: It is a satire.

Welcome our, viewers, and listeners to Mulla Maghrib Show.

Today’s guest in our studio is Mr. Tarik Shikast. He is a Pakistani, Saudi Canadian, a well known activist and a frequent traveler to Israel working for the most famous industry of our time “Islamophobia.” By profession, he is an Islamophobist. He is a controversial figure in the Muslim community, but hero for many Canadians, Israelites, and now in Modi India. He is assertive, hard working, focused, and a versatile personality. He is a favorite of many talk show hosts. He can’t be ignored on any issue related to Islam and Muslims. He is a darling of all anti Islam forces in the world. He is now a global figure.

Mulla Maghrib: Welcome! Mr. Tarik Shikast. Thank you for accepting my invitation and coming to this studio on such short notice.

Traik Shikast: It is my pleasure. Thank you for inviting me. You are always welcome. I watched your talk show with Mr. Chingar. I believe, it is the perfect forum to talk. Congratulations to you for starting this wonderful Talk Show!

Mulla: Thank you Tarik. If you allow me I will start the show with a personal question.

Tarik: Sure. Go ahead!

Mulla: The name Tariq is always referred and combined with Fatah. That means victory and triumph. Here, your name Tariq is coupled with Shikast; that means defeat and crush. Is it contradictory?

Tarik: No! My name is not Tariq. It is not Arabic Qaf with Qalqala. It is Tarik. Tarik is an Urdu word that means “darkness”. So Tarik (darkness) with Shikast (defeat) is a perfect combination. It is synonymous.
Mulla: Oh! I never thought of that. You don’t use the letter Q, that is most commonly used in this name instead you use “K.” I see.

Tarik: Yes! This is a completely different word. Tarik is a contrast of Tariq who conquers the world and victorious. Tarik is for darkness and defeat.

Mulla: I got it. You are ranked in one of the top activists in Canada. At times it is confusing to see your statements and TV interviews. Can I ask what do you really want to achieve? What is your mission and purpose of life?

Tarik: Well! It is a long story, and it needs much time to explain. However, I can brief you quickly. As you know, I was born and raised in Pakistan. My teacher of Mathematics in middle school, his name was Laxmi Narayan, he once told me two golden words “money matters”. Money provides you respect, fame, and happiness in life. You can buy everything in your life with money. So my point my brother Mulla Maghrib is that Money matters. I have written down these two words “Money Matters” in my belly. In Canada the same two words are now tattooed in my tummy. I can show you if you like to see. (Tarik started to move up his shirt to show the tattoo.)

Mulla: It is okay. Leave it. You have a big tummy. It may look ugly to some of my talk show viewers. I believe you have it. Perhaps you can show me after the show.

Tarik: No problem.

Mulla: You have had a long journey of life not only in terms of ideological transformation from communism to pro capitalism, but in terms of physical migration from Pakistan to Saudi Arabia and now to Canada. Can you shed some light on these changes and reasons behind it?

Tarik: Well! Yes! I was, raised and spend my childhood in a traditional religious family in Punjab, Pakistan. When I started my student life in University, there were two options, either join Islamic group, or the communist/socialist/democratic/liberal group. According to my nature and due to my religious upbringing, I naturally joined the Islamic group. Frankly speaking the green slogan of the Islamic group was impressive and that was the core and heart of Pakistan. At first, it appealed me. But, most of the students in that group were from a poor family background and their organization was financially pitiable shape. On the other hand, the socialist liberal group was rich. I could see the flow of money in the organization. One of my Professors was the guardian of that students’ group. My professor told me that I didn’t have to worry for finance. You will get what you need and what you want and achieve in your life. I recalled my middle school teachers’ saying “money matters.” So it made sense to me. I joined the group and had been living a happy and prosperous student life.

Mulla: If I am not wrong, Saudi Arabia and America were both under severe criticism as a culprit of supporting bourgeois Right Culture in Pakistan from that group. You later migrated to Saudi Arabia, and started working in a bourgeois advertising agency that had corporate clients believing in Capitalism. As a Proletarian of Pakistan and believing in “Red revolution” in Pakistan, did you not find a contradiction and ideological change in your life?

Tarik: No, not at all. They both support my purpose of life. My professor told me that when Proletarian revolution will be completed in Pakistan, you will get a big position in the party state bureaucracy. That was my dream. When the Soviet Union occupied Afghanistan, my dream seemed to be coming much closer, knocking on my door. I had been living in Pakistan quite confidently. It was the history that Soviet Union never left any country once occupied. There next door was Pakistan. I had been waiting that inviting morning. But all of the sudden my dream shattered. Excuse me. (Tarik took a pause and sipped one full glass of water).

Mulla: We would definitely like to know your story that is the history of that era of Pakistan.

Tarik: Yes! In fact my personal history is the history of Pakistan. A beardless Mulla General Ziaul Haque (Tarik started swearing badly with non parliamentary dirty language.)

Mulla: Please! Tarik! This program is live.

Tarik: I am sorry. I can’t stop myself on Ziaul Haque.
(He started shouting)

Mulla: Please control yourself, Mr. Shikast.

Tarik: Sorry! (Pause) . I am very sentimental on this issue.

Mulla: Yes! It seems that you are. It is obvious.

Tarik: Zia had made our life fruitless. I was scared. I didn’t know what to do and where to go and where the money would fall. Zia with the support of America and that so called Mujahideen forced Soviet Union to leave Afghanistan. As soon as the Soviet Union decided to depart from Afghanistan, I started thinking to leave Pakistan as well. It was a hopeless situation. One of my friends helped me to get a job in the advertising agency of the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia. It seems it is contrary to my belief and political thought, but in fact it was not. My life revolves around the two words “money matters.” I was receiving a handsome salary with an attractive package; which included housing and annual one month leave with air tickets for the whole family to go anywhere in the world.

Mulla: And I believe one of the benefits of living in Saudi Arabia is to perform Hajj and Umrah frequently.
Tarik: Truly speaking, I never performed Hajj or Umrah. I thought and planned several times, but something unseen was there and inside me who was stopping me.

Mulla: The unseen Mr. Shaitan plays a significant role in our life. We should be bold enough to recognize it.

Tarik: Yes! that’s true. I can’t live without him. He is a good buddy who provides you comfort.

Mulla: So, why you left the Kingdom, a luxuries job and life.

Tarik: I visited Canada several times during my job in Saudi Arabia and it was prior to my immigration to Canada. Actually, I utilized my annual tickets for visiting Canada. I found here liberty and freedom. The kingdom is a close medieval society with barbarian laws and punishment. Pakistan is a place where the orthodox society doesn’t allow a person much to do. Here you have complete freedom. In Canada, we even have the freedom to be nude and walk on the street. You have freedom to adopt any life style. The remains of the destroyed nation of Lut (A.) found a respectable and equal status and rights, here. So, I found that this was the best place for me. Particularly, I love hugging and kissing women whom I like anywhere even at public places.

Mulla: I agree. Several people migrate here for their desire in worshipping their lust.
Tarik: This is a real freedom.

Mulla: Yes!You are right. We all enjoy Canadian freedom and life here. Let us talk about Islamophobia. When and how did you join the Islamphobic industry?

Tarik: It is a sad, but interesting story. You know Canada is terrible in accommodating foreign educated professionals. You have to keep your struggle, equip with local education and experience and even after that it takes more than six years to get into a proper professional occupation. Unfortunately but fortunately for me, 9/11 happened in USA. And media agencies started Islam bashing from all sides by relating Islam with terrorism. I foresaw a great opportunity for myself. My Pakistani, Islamic, Saudi background was perfect fit for the job. I started writing against Jihadi Islam, and got the opportunity. USA allocated billions of dollars for Islam and Jihad bashing to protect and control its hegemony over Muslim world. US corporations were eagerly looking to complete control of Muslim world oil resources, its supply and pricing. They have to curtail Jihadi mindset that teaches liberation and freedom from occupying powers. The US government and Corporations were investing a lot of money in Islamophobia and hatred against Jihadi Islam. I convinced myself that it is the right time to get into the job and fulfill my dream according to my vision of money.

Mulla: If it is not top secret and if you don’t mind I have few questions; how was it materialized? Who pays the salary? How do they pay?

Tarik: It was top secret in the beginning, but not really now. It started issuing statements from Tarik Muslim Congress founded by me. Then I started writing articles. In a good lucky morning, Mr Cohen contacted me and set a time for a meeting. And from then on, I am on the board.

Mulla: You are a smart. Who is Mr. Cohen?

Tarik: I really don’t know. Surprisingly, the person who was visiting in my professor’s home in Pakistan also had the same name. I found Mr. Cohen, a common and familiar name. However, I still don’t know much about him. He talks a lot about business; Israel, oil, and arms. So, I believe that he might belong to all three.

Mulla: And you are also a frequent visitor to Israel.

Tarik: Yes! Mr. Cohen arranges these visits. I enjoy life and time in my Israeli visits as I never enjoyed my life before.

Mulla: What is the mean of enjoyment that is typical in Israel?

Tarik: It is a secret, but you can join me in my next visit to Israeli. Mr. Cohen shall arrange similar visit for you. You will enjoy yourself.

Mulla: Thank you for the offer! I am okay at this time. Abul Haqaiq Aala got my commitment to visit with him for Umrah and Madina in next few months. He says that the best vacation place in this world is Makka and Madina.

Tarik: So orthodox, medieval mindset. Mulla is always a Mulla; either of Mashriq (East) or Maghrib (West).
Mulla: I was not. I admit Abul Haqaiq is influencing me.

Tarik: It is a bad sign. He has a Maududi mind. Keep yourself away from him. He is a “fitna.” You know Maududi received capital punishment of hanging to death for his struggle and writing a book for declaring Qadiani non-Muslims.

Mulla: I will try my best to keep away from him. Still I am curious about your real job. It may be an innocent question for you. I know it may be too personal. But, my question is what do you really have to do and how do you get paid?

Tarik: Frankly speaking, I don’t do much. Mr. Cohen supplies me a lot of material and content. Believe me, I was not aware of so many terminologies; wahabi, salafi, khwarji, jihadi (with its new definition) etc. Almost all the main stream media has my contact number. I am the spokesperson of Islam and Muslims to condemn Islam and Muslims and challenge their perception of Islam. I write a weekly column for daily Sunset. I get paid from various media groups and from some big Corporations on behalf of Mr. Cohen. It is a lot of money. Tarik Muslim Congress is an organization of Islamaphobes. We have to condemn, discard and place blame on any viewpoint of Islam that teaches God’s sovereignty, Jihad, practicing Islam as a Deen, Political interpretation of Islam, freedom, liberty from the occupying powers, etc. In brief we are advocating Islam without teeth; a toothless Islam. A lot of great scholars of Islam all over world are supporting our group. One of the big names is Maulana Jadeeduddin Khan of Delhi.

Mulla: It is interesting to know all that. Thank you for educating me. I remember, once you have challenged all the Imams of Canada for Munazra (debate) on Islam to prove your “toothless Islam” as a real Islam. Sheikh Baladyar accepted the challenge and invited you for a Munazara. Initially, you agreed but you didn’t show up on that particular day. Sheikh Baladyar was standing alone and establishing charges against you for the wrong interpretation of Islam. Why you were not there?

Tarik: I boycotted it. That was my trap. I have sympathy with the Sheikh . He is an innocent Imam in the early ages and was falling into my trap. He doesn’t know the force behind me. I am better to talk to individually or in a group with similar point of view. It was never my intention to debate and argue with Mullahs and Imams. These crazy people can kill me if they fail to argue. They don’t know anything about anything.

Mulla: “They don’t know anything about anything.” Very good remarks.

Tarik: Thank you.

Mulla: I have another question. It is up to you, it is okay if you don’t want to answer it. Blasphemy against Prophet s.a.w is like a punch in the soul of a Muslim. You know it is a big forceful punch and is hard to control Muslims after that. How do you openly support Salman Rushdie and defend those who make caricatures and cartoons of the Prophet s.a.w. and you still want to be a champion of Muslim cause among Muslims.

Tarik: I also feel bad by doing it. But, it is my job requirement. When you have a job contract, you have an obligation and duty to perform accordingly. I believe God will forgive me by considering my limitations and duties.

Mulla: At the end, I will ask if there is any message for the community. I have 30 seconds to 1 minute for you.
Tarik: Yes! I have a message. Life is short and Dunya has to be enjoyed. Respect your desire of the Nafs and fulfill it. Allah is most merciful and will forgive all your sin. He is so kind that he will forgive all Muslims and non Muslims, believers and non believers, and worshippers and sinners.

Mulla: La hawla wala quwwata illa billah.

Good night till our next week Mulla Maghrib Show. Stay tuned.

Our next guest is Abba Bhai Chatel of Toronto.

Mulla Maghrib can be reached at MullaMaghrib@gmail.com

Note: Every character of this column/Talk Show is fictitious and imaginative. The writer and publisher are not responsible for any accidental similarity with the real persons or incidents.

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